Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Papa, 23/11/11: A year after he passed away.

It's still tough n sad for us even after a year of his demise. My Mama still cry daily, but I can see that she is grasping the fact...her tears are not as free flow as before, and I cry every time I think of him. It's heartbreaking cause he's not going to be part of our life anymore & how he wouldn't be able to see all the changes that we went through & going to go thru after he's gone. It's depressing to think that after a while, we would 'forget' abt him, what he looks like & his voice. I was told time will heal our pain & based on other friends' experience, it actually takes at least 2 yrs for the pain to soothe. To this day, we still talk as if he's still alive. We never refer to him as 'Arwah'. His baju Melayus- the ones he was wearing on the last 12 days he was at home, were still hanging in his bedroom. His sandal is arranged together with our shoes & sandals at the side of the front door. My Mama & my sister still cook his favourite dishes and kuihs. To other peoples, we continue and move on with our lives. But the only constant reminder that he's no longer with us is our almost weekly visit to his grave. 
My Papa was diagnosed with a type of lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes) called mantle cell blastoid in late Apr 2010.  But he was having hematoma (something like 'lebam') in some parts of his body for quite some time since early 2009, but he never went for a thorough check up--> dia mmg jenis takut g hospital sbb takut kena  bedah!  Since late 2009, he was having regular fever, got weaker, lost appetite & hence lost his weight (he was a big tall man & he was the heaviest at almost 100 kg) but still refusing check ups. He finally gave in to my pestering in early March 2010.
With his lymphoma diagnosis, the doctors also found that he had a stone in his ureter. He needed to be admitted immediately so that the doctors could remove the stone first & monitor his health before start him on chemo, but still, he  refused hospitalisation. He asked for a month of 'grace period' from the doctor cause he wanted to seek for alternative medicines. Since his refusal of hospitalisation, we (my mom & sisters) searched around for alternatives. We now suspect, the traditional medicine (in the form of herbs)  that made him got worst & damaged his kidney totally. When he finally agreed to be hospitalised, it was almost too late. He gave in to hospitalisation only bcoz we told him hospitalisation will revive him & no invasive procedure will be done on him. At that time, he was  not eating at all & vomiting & lost at least 15 kg. By then both his kidney were almost not functioning n he needed dialysis daily. He was placed in high dependency ward for nearly 2 weeks, and Alhamdulillah, he showed signs of recovery. Then, he agreed on chemo... after the 1st cycle of chemo he looked better, but by the time of 2nd chemo, he got a resistant bacterial infection. The doctors tested everywhere for the source & tried every antiobiotics available, but the bugs were still there.
The doctors finally agreed on removing one of his kidneys to cure the infection. I remember, we had a hard time making decision: to remove or not to remove. But we finally agreed on the removal, simply because we wanted him to get better.  I still remember all of us (except for Mr AHAH cause he was working that morning & Damia) salam & kissed him before he was wheeled into the OT. We were all crying, including Huda, his dearest grand daughter. Unfortunately, after his kidney was removed, his health spiralled down. He started hallucinating & couldn't sleep. It was really heartbreaking seeing our father, who was a big tall man & always commandeering to be in such state...
We thought of bringing him back home for a while so that he would be better psychologically. But, the doctors finally felt, he had a poor prognosis. They decided to let the nature took its own course on Papa. So we brought him home. I was with him in the ambulance that took us from PPUKM to Sri Adjua, Sg Buloh.  It was the longest 1 hour road journey to me, with him groaning and wailing at the back.  He finally got to see his new house (where my Mama & sister are currently residing), but it wasn't easy for him n for all of us during his last 12 days. He was in pain, lost way too much weight & his skin turned dark from chemo... Finally,  on 23/11/10... I still remember, I was sitting in a meeting & started getting a number of phone calls from my sister, BIL & my Mama. I texted  my then boss asking for his permission to go home, called Mr AHAH (who was at his then workplace @ KLIA) & went into my room to pack my stuffs. I was planning to take the KTM commuter from Bandar Tasik Selatan to Sg Buloh, and was in fact, on the train, but Alhamdulillah, Allah sent me an angel in the form of a fine young lady who was willing to drive me home. Throughout the journey home, I was praying that my Papa would get better & I'd still be in time to see him alive. When I arrived home, my Mama, BIL, cousin & sister were surrounding him reciting Yaasin & taking turns to utter the word 'Allah' to his ears. I went to his side, held his hands & speaked to his ears: Pa, ni Awon Pa! Then I utterred the word 'Allah'. I saw his chest moved and he made a soft heaving sound, and with that, my Papa was with his Creator at 1.30 pm. We strongly believe it is better for him, he didn't have to suffer anymore, but  it's still difficult & tragic for us, especially when we saw what he went through. We always had the feelings that he would recover, but alas, Allah had better plan for him. Papa was 60.
Since he left, there is this void in our lives. All of us, my Mama especially, are deeply affected by his early demise. My Papa didn't get the chance to see the birth of his first grand son, though he knew he was getting one. He was missed by his aged parents too, so much so till the health of his father deteriorated. Alas, Tok Abah succumbed to his old age, and we received news of his death @ 8 am on 20/11/11, just 3 days before today. Tok Abah was 92.
Huda & her Wan, 6 days before he passed away
Papa, as I want to remember him, 10 months before he passed away
We love you so much Papa. May Allah The Almighty bless your soul and grant you a place in the highest  Jannah. May Allah The Almighty have mercy on Tok Abah's soul and grant him a place in the highest Jannah too. Al-fatihah.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

My unemployment

I was 'privileged' to be unemployed for almost four months, from the period of 7/7/2011 - 24/10/2011. The first few weeks of the hiatus-from-work period  were spent with friends and loved ones, as the reason why I tendered my resignation was to follow Mr AHAH to Pengkalan Chepa (PC). So the plan was to resign from work early of July, so that by the end of July, I would already be in PC. Everything was planned as such so that I would be spending Ramadhan with Mr AHAH in PC.
After episodes of in denial, packing, moving stuffs to our house at Puncak Alam, spending final moments as KL-gites & cherishing time with the families, I finally arrived in PC 2 days before Ramadhan. I was truly blessed to be able to spend this year's Ramadhan in serenity without the need to think about works nor did I need to go through work-induced or work-related stress. I thank Allah The Almighty for the experience to observe what could have been my best Ramadhan thus far. Alhamdulillah. Observing Ramadhan in a state that is dubbed as 'Serambi Kaabah' (direct translation: Verandah of the Kaabah) was an entirely different ordeal altogether. The voices of muezzins were everywhere during fast breaking time, there was even a siren to signify fast breaking time, courtesy of a fire station nearby. The sound of Quranic phrases being read broke  the silence of the pre-fajr and accompanied our suhoor. During the final phase of Ramadhan, Qiyamullail was performed on almost every mosques... Subhanallah. Of course, there was Ramadhan Bazar @ Pasar Ramadhan, which I did not enjoy much, simply because I was craving for food that I'm used to back home in KL. 
Having went through an episode of being a full time housewife is a treasured experience for me. Knowing the house is spanking clean due to my hardworks & lunch is served every time Mr AHAH came home for his lunch break was priceless. And, not having to stress out over KPIs, but rather, I set my own KPIs, was an utter bliss... But, domesticating a person who had been a wage-earner for the past six years required a lot of passion and patience. The biggest woe is undoubtedly... my bank account is shrinking!
Undeniably, the period of unemployment taught about being thrifty. It made me reflect on my past expenditure. It trained me on containing my shopping nafs! It enlightened me about prioritising the purchase. And definitely, it cultured me on the importance of saving for a rainy day. Now that I'm back to being a bullied coolie with a salary at the end of the month, I pray to Allah The Almighty that I will abide to good practice of money management and will not waste my money unnecessarily, InsyaAllah.
C'est la vie!
Mr AHAH, the supervisor.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

My carelessness!

I have a 'habit' of being careless @ clumsy every now & then. But if you ask my other half, Mr AHAH, he would tell you, it is my nature of being careless &/@ clumsy ;) Today, for example, I was boiling the instant mini rice cake (a.k.a. mini ketupat/ nasi impit segera) on the stove in the kitchen while online in the dining hall, when i suddenly smelt something burning. Since I was on my thoughtless mode, I was actually thinking: Who actually burn their rubbish on a rainy day? And, I continued my virtual journey happily. And then... it dawned upon me! My nasi impits were burning! Huhu... 
This is what happened to my pot... The 3 spots were from the mini ketupats ;D Now u see it...

Now you don't! Hehe...

Like brand new! (of course, I was exaggerating) And yes, both photo are the SAME pot, taken on the SAME day! ;D Only before & after stain removal process. The magic stain remover? Good old sodium bicarb! Minimum scrubbing was needed, mind you! And, the best thing: All the nasi impits were still edible.
C'est la vie!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My other half

For my 2nd post, I would like to write on my other half, my husband, Mr AHAH (it's his acronym, I didn't choose AHAH for any other reason!). When I put up this blog, I've already planned a post on my other half as one of my entries as he's the reason why my blog title is 'My life in Pengkalan Chepa'. Should he not be transferred to Pengkalan Chepa, I wouldn't be in Kelantan at all, and this blog might not be materialised @ it would have been named something else. Should he not be transferred to Pengkalan Chepa, I would have still stuck where I was unhappily working. Oh, dear... don't even want to start on that! 
As I was formulating what to write about my other half, I was thinking to myself, why the spouse is called 'the other half'? Taking an example of my own self, Mr AHAH & I are different in built, background, thinking & fields of interest. Shouldn't it be if we say the other half, he/she would be exactly the same as us since we are divided into two & hence 'the other half''? But with Mr AHAH, where he is a calm, slow & steady person, I'm the Queen of 'kelam-kabut'; while he does not mind messiness, I am the total opposite, though not to the point of suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder! While my actions are often ruled by my heart, he weighs options analytically; while he reads, as a hobby, all academic stuff, be it blogs, books, magazines, I digress, as my (previous & future) work demands me to read up facts & academic stuffs daily! We are totally 2 different persons on the opposite poles!
In my opinion, the correct term to describe Mr AHAH & I would be 'complement', and yes, complement that is defined by as a) Something that completes, makes up a whole, or brings to perfection, b) The quantity or number needed to make up a whole, or c) Either of two parts that complete the whole or mutually complete each other, NOT complement as in the blood serum protein thingy! But being different & complementing each other do not stop us from sharing & having the SAME a) faith of Islam, b) value in life, c) love towards each other, d) mutual respect for each other, e) purposes in life & afterlife, f) goals in our marriage, and g) motivation to bring out the best of each other. So, casting the differences aside, Mr AHAH & I are actually, er... the same? And, he is, therefore, MY other half! ;D 
C'est la vie!

Mr AHAH, my other half  & complement, at Masjid Al-Taqwa, Mirrabooka, Western Australia, circa 2009.

Monday, September 26, 2011

My 1st

I finally made it! A blog of my own... been contemplating of having one for ages, only today do I have the 'courage', time & determination to actually register a blog of my own. Been a blog-hopper since 2005 (I think) & been a silent readers of sooo many blogs, that I've lost count of them ;) Some of the blogs that I religiously read years back has now defunct. Some has been privatised. Some are still alive & kicking.
The very reason that's holding me back from having my own blog years back is because I'm not too sure of what to write. Some of the bloggers that I follow write about their experiences living abroad, but I'm right smack in Malaysia. Some blog about their experiences with their kid(s), but I have yet to have a kid, let alone kids! Some share their recipes & put up wonderful yummylicious images of the food they cooked, but I cook ordinary food & I don't cook daily & I cook something that I termed as 'extra ordinary' only whenever my 'hardworking' gene is being highly activated ;) (And mind you, that gene is not activated on daily basis!). Some parade their branded & luxury handbags, wardrobe & lifestyle, but I have no LVs nor Gucci, let alone an Hermes & a Prada! Some pour their heart & soul over problems, tragedies @ life ups & down, but I'm a bit sceptical about whether other people are actually interested on my life dramas. Some bloggers could even be a novel author @ a humour writer @ even a satirical contributor, but I'm not too sure about my writing capability, vocabulary capacity & my language proficiency. Some just tell stories of their life, be it mundane, euphoric, extraordinary, exciting, sad or even common. Hmm... may be that's what I should do: just tell stories of my life, no matter how mundane it is, it is a day of my life! So, be it! I'll just write & share what I deemed fit for my blog ;)
C'est la vie!